the good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away

I want to begin this tale with a series of images. I'd love to think of myself as a great writer, a poet of sorts, but I realize that I have one major character flaw that prohibits my talent; that is, laziness. Mix in a little perfectionism and you have a tasty recipe for procrastination. It goes something like this: I don't really have (won't make) the time to do this the way I want (perfectly, that is, in my opinion) so I'll just come back to it when I do (never).

I've wanted to tell this sad little story for some time now, but I was waiting on some last details and some pictures. So here you go, laugh, smile, gasp, cry. Shoot, maybe I'll write a little after all...

Once upon a time there was a small little apple. Now our hero wanted this apple very bad. But our hero was also a patient person and knew that, like all good things, waiting made the moment of receiving even sweeter. So he waited, and waited, and waited. He waited until January when it was known that the apple would be most ripe. However, January came and went, and although there were many other apple-like things blossoming, the little apple remained elusive. Then came February and our hero was certain that the apple would be ready, yet after each Tuesday there was no announcement. Until the last Tuesday of February. Then it happened! The little apple was finally ready. It was polished, completely ripe, and supported a multi-touch track pad. Our hero contacted the huge orchard where the little apple was grown and requested it be sent at once to him. The little apple traveled for many days, all the way from Shanghai CN, which probably stands for Connecticut. Finally, the little apple arrived:







For many days our hero looked upon the apple with such affection and care. He always made sure to put the keyboard protector back in place before letting the little guy sleep. He was also sure to keep from letting his affections grow to an unhealthy level, and therefore was diligent to only spend moderate amounts of time with his new friend. He didn't take it to school with him or show it off to others, except for one night when it just made sense to use it for a slide show at a leadership meeting, and our hero did get many complements. But overall, there grew no inappropriate attachments, no fits of prideful possession, nor arrogance towards those less fortunate without their own marvelous fruit.

Then, two days later, tragedy struck. Not just any run-of-the-mill tragedy, no, no, we're talking totally freakin' unbelievable, come on you can't be serious tragedy.



Wait for it.




Now, whilst our hero lay reclining and reading in his chamber he heard from the dining hall a monstrous sound, one that might be described as a microwave being pushed from it's rightful place atop the refrigerator to it's entirely wrongful place upon the floor. But alas, our hero's microwave does not reside atop the refrigerator so what beast doth such a sound make? Rising courageously from his reading position and rushing headlong into the unknown danger that lurked mere paces ahead our hero came upon a most ghastly sight, one that once seen, will render the seer aghast. He saw....

**Warning: Images of Brutality and Violence Below**










What the???? Impossible....The mighty Lord of Heaven had sent his angel of death to forever darken the vision of the apple.

Let's see that a little closer:


And now the screen...


Forever blind. Forever without sight. Forever blank to the world around it and to it's hero. Oh the humanity, oh the machine!! Oh the titanium case (not bad).

The apple, although completely sightless, because of it's superior materials, hath withstood the force of such a vile attack and remaineth semi-entirely operational. It's entire contents kept safe by it's skin of shininess.

And here the curtains must close on our beloved fruit deprived hero. Although the apple lives on inside it's skin, without it's vision it is irreversibly damaged and therefore, in the process (I'll keep you updated) of being replaced by the wonderful insurance agency of the landlord's at the brick building of 19th and B.

The small little apple is survived by a still mournful Canon Prixma, Kingston 4GB flash drive, and a Bamboo Graphics Tablet. Although both narrowly escaped what would have for sure have been, uh, certain death, the scars of loss and trauma will remain.

As for our hero, he too will survive, and perhaps some new apple will catch his eye.

Rest in peace Fierce Granny Apple (March 10th, 2008 10:17am - March 22nd, 2008 3:02pm), may your new IP in the great network upstairs be filled with bandwidth and free of firewalls.