church smurch

Another disappointing Sunday. I find that again I spent the day distancing myself from the "christian culture image." In addition to not wearing faith proclaiming shirts or plastering my car with clever bumper stickers, license plate covers, fish, etc, I sit in a Sunday service and I act like an outsider. This Sunday is another compelling argument to what? To try harder. All we Christians seem to say is that we need to be better at... we need to think more... we need to act more like... we need to actually believe more... we need to be more... But the question I don't ever seem to feel like is answered very well is how. How? I feel like I just sat through a mental bashing that attempts to compel me to be more psychologically conditioned to respond a specific way in an particular situation. That doesn't sound very liberating. No wonder the church is avoided by those who are struggling with anything. They already know they are incapable of psychologically conditioning themselves to do anything. How about the suffering, the addicted, the hopeless, the helpless, the homeless. Our message of trying harder is only a slap in the face. Maybe we throw out a "Jesus is the answer" and it's "by His power we can accomplish all things." But that's the extent of the message. Where's the how? Until the How gets manifested through a loving community that loves first and asks questions later I don't see how anybody would believe that Jesus is worth anything more than a catchy slogan that both isolates and patronizes. And lets not forget the multitude of true believers who instead of being encouraged and blessed, they get a western-ized slap in the butt that disappointingly concedes "try harder next time." Let's teach people to fish, not just tell them they're supposed to be good fisherman.

i'll take that

Riding home from the gym I discovered why I have such a hard time making hard decisions. I had to have passed at least twelve fast food restaurants. Everything I could ever want is at my fingertips. All I have to do is have some money, and I can have whatever I want, however I want it, and there is this whole lower-middle class of people who have to serve it to me. I am in complete control of everything. Until a tough decision comes my way.

Which Christian decided that in every situation there is a right choice and a wrong choice? Maybe it wasn't a Christian, but somewhere in my upbringing I subconsciously adopted that belief. I know it wasn't my parent's fault, they are smarter than that. Somewhere, perhaps my own fallen-pride-arrogant complex, I simplified everything into right or wrong. But that seems to be rarely the case these days. Things are so complicated. I just made a huge decision that had good and bad things, right and wrong, about both options. I chose the one I thought was best. But I chose into loosing control of certain things, and I think that's what both scares the crap out of me and simultaneously gives me the greatest sense of liberty.

Maybe we American's, under the great quest of capitalism and consumerism and purchasing power, are unknowingly heading away from freedom. We are moving towards total control, and total lack of liberty. How ironic we are indeed.