what's going on here

Just a heads up, I'm planning on making the move over to wordpress pretty soon. This post will hopefully keep me to it.

We're looking at the third day since the return from Bosnia and big surprise, I'm not sure exactly how I'm doing. I don't know how to just relax without feeling completely bored, but I have no energy to do anything of significance. What energy I do have is spent keeping Bosnia from becoming a figment of my imagination. The pictures help, but the bleak heat of Bakersfield provides a convincing counter-spell. Apparently my skipping of a few of the debriefing sessions in Austria are taking their toll.

-I've decided that I need to be a better reader = more reading, better books.

-Today I told Tina I need a hobby, but (1) it can't be expensive, (2) it can't require other people to enjoy it (i.e. Basketball, Paintball, Chess), and (3) it has to be something that can be enjoyed in small blocks of time.

So far I've got reading.

Here's a shot from the camp in Bosnia.



I miss people.

i'm sorry

I figured that last post, although very representative of what I was feeling, was pretty selfish. So, in order to give a little more of information about how the trip is going I thought I would upload some pictures. Considering formatting and organizing photos isn't exactly Blogger.com's forte, I'll keep the text brief to keep my frustration level in check. There are two pictures of groups of people, one is our Intermediate English class that I am "teaching" and the other is a bunch of tired Americans about half way through a tour of downtown Sarajevo. The black and white landscape is looking east from the top of the fortress (see previous post). The twisty building is a TV companies latest construction, I think, and is not very popular among the Bosnians, "It doesn't fit." However, I would like to point out the similarities to my senior project design, maybe I was on to something, or just copying somebody somewhere... Fun side note: Although the road next to the university is a good place to take pictures of the twisty building, security guards at the construction site located between the road and the twisty building get rather irritated by photographers. Something to do with the construction site being the new American Embassy...

Super.

a fortress and a pepsi

Two hours ago I was standing on top of a partially reconstructed fortress overlooking Sarajevo. On the way back home I drank a Pepsi. Today is a good day.

Because there is no chance that I will be able to post anything that in anyway satisfies my desire to communicate what things have been like in Bosnia, I'll leave that until I get back and go through the painful experience of distilling six weeks into a letter that's both informative and readable.

Also, I kind of like not being connected to the rest of the world. This is the first time in over two weeks I have used a computer. And just in case you were wondering the world still exists out here and it's quite wonderful.

For all who have emailed me, sorry, but I won't be responding until I get back. And who knows, maybe I'll even wait a few weeks just to rebel a little.

Oh, I'm almost finished with Searching For God Knows What by Donald Miller. Thanks James, I do like it better than Blue Like Jazz. Also, praise Jesus, Sarajevo gets Discovery and Bear Grylls is super with Bosnian subtitles. Also, Scrubs in German is not as funny, or wait, even more funny!?!

a few more picts and poetry

Why do I always have something to blog about when there are four other very important things to do? Rhetorical.

First the poetry. I just finished reading The Trouble With Poetry, (my) book two of Billy Collins reading. This one is a little shorter than the previous read, and I think even more clever. My favorites are: "The Lanyard", "On Not Finding You at Home", "The Introduction", and "The Revenant." I'm going to rank them in order too: 4,2,1,3. There you go.

And now the latest from the Canon...ooh, I just thought of a great blog title for my photography. Check it out here.

This may be my favorite building in Bakersfield. It's a Masonic Temple. I particularly like the back, it's the building without the mask, ugly and weathered. I almost looks like it's crying. I wonder how it feels being in Bakersfield and trying to look so formal and classic out front, yet completely bare of any supporting nature.

new camera

Sweet, a new camera! Special thanks to our amazing friend Sarah, we've just been treated to a Canon PowerShot SD770 IS (Love the color accent mode). ¡Mucho gusto!

Here's a few shots I took Tina (the first two) and I took and then manipulated a little with iPhoto. Watch out when I get Graphics Tablet and GIMP on these picts...

loyalton, meet google

For all my friends out there who wish that they could visit the streets of Loyalton, but find the drive up over Donner Summit a little too daunting or lengthy, I give you Google Street View (and the wonderful Golden West Restaurant Hotel). So far I've found two glitches when traveling down main street (Hwy 49.) This one's for you mom and dad.

tribute to jeremy

Well sort of. I just finished reading two books and I thought I might try to write a review. (Jeremy does this well)

Both books were recommended by Donald Miller at the FPU Lecture that I went to recently. The first is Sailing Alone Around the Room, by Billy Collins. It's "a landmark collection of new and selected poems..." all of which I find are all the more satisfying when read aloud, which I suppose is true of most poetry. It's poetry for the everyday person, keeping a safe distance away from overly complex descriptions and puzzling mouthfulls of analysis. Reading Collins is like singing the melody of a huge symphony piece, it's the simple beauty surrounded by the cacophany of even greater, yet uncontainable beauty.

Some of my favorites:

-My Number -The Rival Poet -Vade Mecum -On Turning Ten -The Blues -Man In Space -Splitting Wood -Reading an Anthology of Chinese Poems of the Sung Dynasty, I Pause To Admire the Length and Clarity of Their Titles

On to review number 2.
Man in Black by Johnny Cash

The book focuses mainly on the relationship between Cash's addiction to pills and his walk of faith. Essentially, it's his testimony. Man in Black starts at Cash's childhood telling stories of church and the influence of his older brother's faith and death, follows his love of music and introduction into the music industry, and then spiral into pill addiction, reaching his rock bottom point and recovery / repentance to a more serious relationship with Jesus, performing for the armed forces, then finishing with the story of writing and producing a movie about Jesus in the holy land (The Gospel Road, thanks Netflix). Lyrics of songs Cash and others have written show up throughout the chapters including some by Kris Kristofferson.

Some of my favorite stories include Cash's meeting younger stars Merle Haggard and Charlie Pride. His faith comes across as genuine and his vulnerability is almost limitless. He tells of multiple times driving through the woods in his jeep completely high on pills, getting arrested seven times, having to cancel concerts, and getting kicked out of the Grand Ole Opry.

I was surprised to learn about how much Gospel music was a part of all of his shows and so many of those in the music entertainment industry. As well, in his own words, Cash seems much more Christian and spiritual than the media portrays, I remember nothing in Walk the Line highlighting his faith.

Man in Black was published in 1975, almost 30 years before his death. I'd be interested to read some of the new auto biographies that have come out recently. Overall, I really did enjoy the book, Cash is a decent enough writer, he sometimes jumps back a few years or fills in a time-line of a particular event and I occasionally got lost. My guess is that if someone isn't already interested in Cash's life the stories may not be compelling enough to keep interest. But come on, who isn't interested at least a litte by Johnny Cash?

emusic: hallelujah

Thanks to a post by Brett and some other stars aligning I finally sank my teeth into emusic. If you have netflix you've probably seen a ton of ads on the disposable part of that majestic red envelope, or if you're into Paste you seen it for sure. I've been avoiding it for over six months after finding out that you have to give them your credit card in order to get the "35 free songs" they boast. If you haven't heard of it, it's iTunes for indie music, except all the files are DRM free. It's kinda like the old mail order BMG service that gave away 11 CDs for 1 penny but screwed you with shipping and handling. Well, with the offer up to 50 free songs for a trial run finally convinced me to fork over the digits to my Costco American Express card in hopes of remembering to cancel before the 14 days are up and I start to pay for a monthly subscription.

So last night I spend two hours in total music discovery bliss. It was fantastic. I have huge hopes for an afternoon with a good friend listening to the songs I downloaded and discussing all the things we love. I do realize I'm quite late getting into the indie scene, but here I come anyway, watch out. Check this stuff out.

Top downloads for me so far:

A cover of Rocket Man by My Morning Jacket
The Modern Leper by Frightened Rabbit
Baby's Lost in Tracks by Maybe It's Reno
Re: Stacks by Bon Iver
I Wish That I Was Beautiful For You by Darren Hanlon
The King Of Carrot Flowers Part 1 by Neutral Milk Hotel
Leviathan, Bound by Shearwater
Space Travel Is Boring by Sun Kil Moon (Thanks Bret)
Cedar Trees by Taken By Trees

Happy Finds that I already knew of:

Woven Hand
Ingrid Michaelson
Ampersand EP - Derek Webb and Sandra McCraken

clean house

Yep, the house is all cleaned up. The tiny air conditioner in the window next to me is ready to work like crazy tonight, along side the swamp cooler in the back to keep our hip urban apartment nice and less than just a bit too warm for the dinner that we're having with some possible donors. So far, I have only gone outside once today, and that was in our eight by five light well to water the plants.

One of the pleasantries that this heat induced house arrest affords me is that I have been trying to catch up on all the NPR podcast concerts that Jeremy told me about. Right now I'm two-thirds the way through Nickel Creek. I love it. So much so that the dusting and organizing is actually fun.

The recurring question I keep entertaining upstairs is this: If I never left this house and only once in a while saw somebody, what would my life be about? What I'm trying to get to is who am I really. Take away the InterVarsity gig and it appears that I am a house cleaner / jammer of wood into tight places in attempt to seal off the window where the AC unit inevitably creates it's own self-defeatist energy crisis.

I check out the videos and pictures from my friends facebook pages and realize that not only am I not having as much fun as them, but I actually think that because I'm not capturing and posting my life for the world I must not be as interesting of a person, and my life must be going nowhere. Who am I listening to?

I'm so fickle.

creepy stuff

There are two movie previews that I have seen that creep me out in a way that makes me really want to see them. This is  pretty rare thing for me because I'm not huge on scary movies.  I either find them extremely cheesy, or extremely disturbing, like, "get that out of my head I feel possessed" freaky.

Every once in a while something comes along that is just "plain" freaky.  Freaky good, freaky "play with my fears" good.

Ironically, both movies use the same devise to freak out the audience.

Watch with caution:

The Strangers

Baghead

in the year 2525

Quite thought provoking. How 'bout that 2041. Nice.

short stature linked to...wait I forgot

I saw this story as I was trying to catch up on the latest news. This just seems ripe for one of those funny on accident headlines, but good for them for not adding insult to an already bummer situation.

Also, it's now Day 2 of Divisional Staff Meetings in Fresno. Last night was kicked off with a great celebration of what God's been doing on the campuses in our division. Awesome stories abound, joy is on the rise, hope is in the air, and now it's back to our western analytical planning debriefing evaluating brainstorming goodness. Well we'll see at least...

come forth!!

Spoken with authority, new life flowed and from the depths of the grave came....


Yes, so here's the rest of the story, the short version: Apple = -1361.40 bones. Homeowners Insurance from Allstate = $+0. Landlord's insurance = $+500 (cheapskate adjuster). American Express (the real hero's) = $+1000 (or = Apple + Cheapskate adjuster).

Also, this is pretty cool, and yes, my macbook pro is smackable. Actually, I imaging this is basically what happened in the first place to cause the problem, but the hand was a chandelier.

of stories and being myself

Here's a short post about a lecture that I went to that Donald Miller gave (author of Blue Like Jazz). He talked about story and real meaning comes from it and how we need to be able to tell a better story, or maybe be better story-tellers, even dare to live better stories so that others and ourselves will be able to find meaning in truth and have our moral compasses affected.

Apparently he was convincing because I want to tell better stories and I want to live a better story. I want to be the better character who has the better thing that he wants that he can only get by overcoming painful conflict in order to get. But at what cost do I want this?

Today we did "outreach" on the campus. We set up tents and have boards that people can put stickers on and write notes and messages. We hope for conversations, we hope for conversions, we hope for meaning. But secretly I hope for success and from that scale or definition disappointment is all I'll find. No, I do want meaningful conversation, but secretly I'm pessimistic about the whole thing mostly because I'm so arrogant and in the end I figure I'll just settle for success but we know where that gets me.

I struggle so much with understanding the difference between me changing my perspective about things and my going through things which change my perspective. I'm hopeful, almost excited that this week can, if I let it, be a thing through which my perspective changes.

Also, in full nerd fashion I've reserved all the books Donald Miller mentioned during his lecture in my library queue.

the good Lord giveth and the good Lord taketh away

I want to begin this tale with a series of images. I'd love to think of myself as a great writer, a poet of sorts, but I realize that I have one major character flaw that prohibits my talent; that is, laziness. Mix in a little perfectionism and you have a tasty recipe for procrastination. It goes something like this: I don't really have (won't make) the time to do this the way I want (perfectly, that is, in my opinion) so I'll just come back to it when I do (never).

I've wanted to tell this sad little story for some time now, but I was waiting on some last details and some pictures. So here you go, laugh, smile, gasp, cry. Shoot, maybe I'll write a little after all...

Once upon a time there was a small little apple. Now our hero wanted this apple very bad. But our hero was also a patient person and knew that, like all good things, waiting made the moment of receiving even sweeter. So he waited, and waited, and waited. He waited until January when it was known that the apple would be most ripe. However, January came and went, and although there were many other apple-like things blossoming, the little apple remained elusive. Then came February and our hero was certain that the apple would be ready, yet after each Tuesday there was no announcement. Until the last Tuesday of February. Then it happened! The little apple was finally ready. It was polished, completely ripe, and supported a multi-touch track pad. Our hero contacted the huge orchard where the little apple was grown and requested it be sent at once to him. The little apple traveled for many days, all the way from Shanghai CN, which probably stands for Connecticut. Finally, the little apple arrived:







For many days our hero looked upon the apple with such affection and care. He always made sure to put the keyboard protector back in place before letting the little guy sleep. He was also sure to keep from letting his affections grow to an unhealthy level, and therefore was diligent to only spend moderate amounts of time with his new friend. He didn't take it to school with him or show it off to others, except for one night when it just made sense to use it for a slide show at a leadership meeting, and our hero did get many complements. But overall, there grew no inappropriate attachments, no fits of prideful possession, nor arrogance towards those less fortunate without their own marvelous fruit.

Then, two days later, tragedy struck. Not just any run-of-the-mill tragedy, no, no, we're talking totally freakin' unbelievable, come on you can't be serious tragedy.



Wait for it.




Now, whilst our hero lay reclining and reading in his chamber he heard from the dining hall a monstrous sound, one that might be described as a microwave being pushed from it's rightful place atop the refrigerator to it's entirely wrongful place upon the floor. But alas, our hero's microwave does not reside atop the refrigerator so what beast doth such a sound make? Rising courageously from his reading position and rushing headlong into the unknown danger that lurked mere paces ahead our hero came upon a most ghastly sight, one that once seen, will render the seer aghast. He saw....

**Warning: Images of Brutality and Violence Below**










What the???? Impossible....The mighty Lord of Heaven had sent his angel of death to forever darken the vision of the apple.

Let's see that a little closer:


And now the screen...


Forever blind. Forever without sight. Forever blank to the world around it and to it's hero. Oh the humanity, oh the machine!! Oh the titanium case (not bad).

The apple, although completely sightless, because of it's superior materials, hath withstood the force of such a vile attack and remaineth semi-entirely operational. It's entire contents kept safe by it's skin of shininess.

And here the curtains must close on our beloved fruit deprived hero. Although the apple lives on inside it's skin, without it's vision it is irreversibly damaged and therefore, in the process (I'll keep you updated) of being replaced by the wonderful insurance agency of the landlord's at the brick building of 19th and B.

The small little apple is survived by a still mournful Canon Prixma, Kingston 4GB flash drive, and a Bamboo Graphics Tablet. Although both narrowly escaped what would have for sure have been, uh, certain death, the scars of loss and trauma will remain.

As for our hero, he too will survive, and perhaps some new apple will catch his eye.

Rest in peace Fierce Granny Apple (March 10th, 2008 10:17am - March 22nd, 2008 3:02pm), may your new IP in the great network upstairs be filled with bandwidth and free of firewalls.

best quote from FUMP

As we we're parked at the Arco AMPM gas station about to leave for FUMP (Fresno Urban Ministry Project) one overheard this gem (paraphrased below) which perfectly encapsulates the reality of our students:

Student One: "I was riding with this girl, my girlfriend, and this other guy..."

Student Two: "Wait, you have a girlfriend, what? Who is she?..."

Student One: "Well...it's complicated."

yeah...and sometimes 'Y'

And the winner of my favorite new t-shirt goes to this one which my wonderful wife graciously gave me for my birthday. I've decided that I like random shirts, so much in fact, that I wanted one for myself. What would be amazing is if I had some cool incentive for all my friends to get me random t-shirts (size Large) and I took pictures of myself wearing them in super spots around Bakersfield. Just an idea...

ode to the beard of my face

So I've titled this "As good as it got / As bad as it got - Decision 08 - The Beautiful but often Sorrowful Beard Story"

buenas noches

It's our last night in Mexico City. We fly back to the states tomorrow evening arriving in good ol' Bakersfield around 9pm. It has been a good stay (no digestive issues, yet). The weather has been in the very comfortable mid-70's and for the most part I've gotten some good sleep and rest. I do wish that I could spend more time exploring the city on my own. I really wanted to walk over to the Monumento a la Revolución (picture to come) tonight as a group of us bought some ice cream from a local 7-Eleven-esque retail shop, but "one shall not go off by one's self in the dark in a foreign city." I understand this rule, yet I often wish to experience being alone in a completely unfamiliar city... something about facing my fear of isolation.

This week I have been blessed to hear John Luc Krieg speak about the theology of the justice gospel. That's my description, not his. Many thoughts and hopefully beneficial conversations on the horizon.

riding to school

So last Tuesday I rode by bike all the way out to Bakersfield College. First I baught a bus ticket, but I missed the bus, so I started riding thinking that I would either catch up (all ego) or at least go for a while and hop on the next bus that caught up to me. But neither happened. Actually, I got to campus about three minutes later than if I had ridden the bus. Lessoned learned. As long as the weather is good (not over 80 or raining) than I might as well ride my bike to school. It feels good, it's good for me, it's cheaper, it's better for the environment, and gosh darn it, I like it.