on a lighter note

Just in case the last post got you a little worried about my, uh, quality of life (or something like that), here a more relaxed one.

This game is super fun. Give it a shot. It's got all the requirements for a great online flash game:
1. It is ridiculously simple: design, graphics (simple, but still elegant), concept (never read the instructions)
2. It keeps track of your personal best.
3. You will play it over and over and over (I know I can do better).
4. It will raise your blood preasure as you get so tense and frustrated that you lost on the second level.
5. At first you think, "This music is awesome!" and then "I can't stand the d#*@ music!"

Enjoy, and uh, here's my best so far. I am the man...right?

show me the healing

Ministry is in full swing at B.C. and Cal State. We just put on the first Awakening where both chapters get together for worship and a message. Two weeks of New Student Outreach, seemingly billions of fliers, posters, candy give aways, Volleyball, water balloons, a week of bible studies, prayer, leadership meetings, prep meetings for bible studies, prep meetings for leadership meetings, tables, chairs, worship practices, raw fingers, song research, font finding, powerpoint slides, talk preparation / editing, new faces....and the list goes on.

Where's the healing? where's the making well? where's the changing hearts? where's the discipleship?

I know, no I think, all this stuff in necessary in order to create a place where the questions can get answered...But shouldn't the healing, the changing, the freedom from being trapped in co-dependence, unhealthy relationships, pornography, criticalness, cynicism, gossip, etc...shouldn't that be happing in the midst of ministry.

Trust must be built, and it isn't built in a day, or just a week or two, it takes time. It's early, things are still brand new. But what's the difference between continuing to do "ministry" in order that real ministry (healing/deliverance) will eventually happen, and continuing to do "ministry" and not ever seeing real ministry happen? Is there a time frame, a good, "gosh it's been a month, change everything" limit, I don't think so. Is it about faith, sure it is. Is there maybe something flawed in our pursuit if at the end of the day we say, "Well, I guess nobody was ready for real ministry today." Isn't that essentially saying, "God didn't want to use me for real ministry today." That can't be right, which means either I can't see it or I'm not part of it or both. That's unnacceptable.

I need to pray that God will open my eyes and make me a part of freedom, of healing, of the real gospel. Otherwise I'm going to get so depressed I'll reread the entire Harry Potter series. May it not be so.

my beard

One of the perks of being a guy: I can grow facial hair and still be accepted in society (most of it.)

I think this picture is a little narsisisss...narscissist....narsi...nars...uh...narcissistic. Yeah ninjawords.

is it magic...no

I stumbled across these videos while looking for some djembe lessons online. They are quite hilarious in my opinion. The best part is the announcer. So sit back, relax, and on this 50th post, woo hoo, learn some magic tricks to impress all your friends.


VideoJug: How To Do The Best Card Trick In The World


VideoJug: How To Make A Cigarette Disappear The David Zanthor Way


VideoJug: How To Perform The Alternating Back Card Trick

hope

Tonight Tina and I had a good conversation with some friends over dinner. The topic of most interest was living in community, and more specifically, living intentionally as a community. So here's a dream and we'll see what becomes of it.

Image a lot in the middle of downtown Bakersfield with two houses on it. One small two-bedroom, 1 bath mini-missionary-guest-family house (about 840 sq. ft.), one five-bedroom community house. Paint them both green and do some fix up and we're talking "Green House" in Bakersfield inner city.

The reality is that the lot isn't exactly inner-city, if we even agree that Bakersfield has an "inner" to it, nor is it right in the middle of a residential area. But nonetheless, it sparks an idea of a Bakersfield-type Pink House (Fresno's Inner-City house for Urban Ministry). Our focus this year for campus ministry is Justice and Evangelism, believing the two to be inseparable. Both Tina and I are convicted that although we may be "all-in" intellectually, there isn't much we are doing practically to model this for students, or more importantly, as following where we believe Jesus is leading.

Just ditching everything and moving to the poor isn't always necessarily synonymous with following Jesus, but when the opportunity to take a risk in that direction presents itself, I completely believe that God will honor it, and regardless of the turnout, you learn more about and get closer to Him. Now what exactly that looks like...this?

truth from the onion

I think this hits a little to close to home. I think it's hilarious, but also quite revealing. Anybody else in campus ministry ever afraid of this? I guess it's not all bad, but I don't like the idea that we're that predictable.

Recently Born-Again Christian Finally Has Social Life

GASTONIA, SC-Eight months ago, Larry Dunne was alone.

just for the heck of it.

I just wanted to be able to be a part of the "risers" the next time I'm at a conference and they say, "Stand up if you have ever blogged during a staff meeting." Sorry about that Rob.

back in the states

I get a kick out of the fact that I think it's cool to say the "states" even though I live here and have only travelled out of the country twice, both times shorter than two weeks. It has something to do with my disassociation complex, just distance myself from anything not perfect or interesting as not to be defined by it.

Not much to report. I've intentionally tried to keep from simply writing about my day because I figured a journal of my thoughts on particular things would be better and more challenging for me, but I find that whenever I read someone's blog and all they do is talk about their day, I'm completely memorized. Maybe it's because they're all friends or relatives, but maybe there is something more. I think it's story. I'm fascinated with stories. I don't particularly love it when all people do is talk about things that have happened to them. But I love reading the way people create a picture of their experiences. I'm a very linear story teller and I include a ridiculous amount of details, all of which I find important, many of which others find excessive I suppose.

I realized today that I miss being. I'm spending the weekend with a bunch of friends, one of whom is getting married. Tonight, as we sat around the hot tub taking our turns recalling old SNL sketches we all have seen, I was just me. I didn't have to think about what I was saying, or whether or not they thought I was funny, or if I wasn't there would they miss me. I didn't think about how great I think I am, or how my needs were or weren't getting met. It wasn't that I wasn't thinking at all, I was just entirely in the moment, but even that isn't quite accurate, I was enjoying past memories and imaging our futures as well. I was thinking about God and thinking about my stomach ache and whether or not I have Guatemala to thank for it.

I wonder if this type of "being" is a privilege. I am in Santa Barbara, CA, in a spa. Do I enjoy myself because I'm part of the majority? Does that question assume that those outside of privilege and the majority don't simply enjoy their lives sometimes?

I hope that everyone experiences this. I don't by any means think it's the ultimate thing to achieve, it's just nice, pleasant. I miss this.

from Magdalena Guatemala

¡Hola de Guatemala! We have been here for a couple of days now and really enjoying the people and food. The culture here is very similar to what I experienced in the Philippines, very gracious and generous. We are among the poor and I am reminded of how wealthy I am. Today I was thinking about how much space we have in the States. One of the big problems that Mario says exists here is a lack of personal value or vision for the future. ¨Why bother with education, I´m a poor farmer, I will always be a poor farmer.¨ That sentiment makes me realize how much hope I have in the future. I don´t think about it that often, but I live assuming that in five or ten years I will have something better than I do now. I will be somewhere different or new. My life will have made a difference. The reality is that is probably true, and the sad thing is that I take for granted how easily it can be accomplished. I don´t have to work that hard to gain success. I know so much of that has to do with being white and starting off middle class. It is hard to be proud of working hard to gain success when those here, and the majority of the rest of the world, must work hard just to survive.

Here is a picture of Antigua taken by some photographer. We visited the day before yesterday and I walked underneath that arch. It is a beautiful city, but also very touristy. I like being in places like this, places of poverty, because it challenges how I think about progress. Is progress developing the economy so that people can have nicer things and more space? Or just enough development to ensure there is no hunger? What is the goal here? Is it just to share Jesus? What is progress now if real progress can only happen over many generations? Much to think and pray about.

search for truth

One of the things that seems to be a recurring theme in my thought life is how I perceive truth. This is of course nothing new nor something unique. The only reason I bring it up is because I keep running across the book war that get's waged between different (usually) thinking people, alright, Christian's vs. Culture. It starts with the broader culture and then eventually hones in on truth. This war has brought us such great titles as Harry Potter: Witchcraft Repackaged (vhs) and The Gospel According to Harry Potter. Then the ever popular DaVinci Code vs. the DaVinci Deception. Then we have Misquoting Jesus vs. Misquoting Truth (IVP). And now, finally The God Delusion vs. The Dawkins Delusion. Look closely at that last website address, I think it's pretty funny. Anyway, again nothing new here, I could have chosen plenty of other titles, God knows they exist, usually at least three Christian books in response to whatever evil book get published and becomes successful.

The main reason for these books seems to be that there's the possibility that millions of people are being duped into believing that said book is true, however, they will not be duped if we can get, or trick, them to buy and read the Christian side of the story. But let's just be honest, this never happens. People read whatever books seem interesting to them. Culture produces a fun book that everybody reads, and the the Christian culture responds by writing a book about how the culture's book is flawed. No Christian reads the original book, but can tell you how evil it is. I guess some Christians read the original book, but they don't say anything because nobody listens to them, they obviously are teetering too close to the edge and might fall away from faith at any minute.

But I wanted to talk about truth, which I'm finding hard to do at the moment. I think in order to be understood I would have to spend an entire post setting up ground rules and definitions, which, quite frankly would bore me. Maybe all I want to say is that I almost feel hopeless to have a constructive conversation about truth, but at the same time I want to talk about it. Shoot.

who's that Spartan that's iPhone-ing...

It's me. It's me.

There's the new iPhone in my hand. Don't worry all my supporters, it's not mine. And although I did become embarrassingly giddy while setting it up and playing with it, I do not want one of my own. It's kind of like a ski boat or a beach house. I don't want one of my own, but I love to have friends who have such things and allow me to enjoy them. I've read way to much about the iPhone and kept up with all the hoopla, much to the detriment of my spiritual life. Yet, despite all the whining reviews (all from MSN owned sources??) and the certain shortcoming, I'm freaking impressed, as my face clearly shows.

another informative news segment

I was just talking to Tina last night about how ridiculous the news has been lately. I guess that the only thing happening in the world worthy of coverage is the release of two American icons: Paris Hilton and Apple's iPhone. Bob, I hope you get some sleep out there tonight, that's some tough concrete out in front of the Cingular store.

So ONS was great. It was a little long, bless that Sabbath day, but I'm very thankful for the relationships I got to build. I definitely feel more connected to IV as a national movement.

Here's a really cool site featuring some "light graffiti" which could bring a whole new string of vandalism to a city near you.

how about disc golf

My brother-in-law assures me that this course is extremely tough. I'd say my course score would validate that with an astounding 9 over par. I think it's the altitude or maybe the water that is to blame for my recent lack of finesse in the sports arena. While sport morale continues to suffer, everything else about being here has been fantastic. There is a sense of being at home, that I commented on last Christmas, which continues to grow. I am increasingly convinced of the ability for community to make location unimportant. A great place is awesome. A mediocre place (Illinois), or even a not so great place (Bakersfield?), and perhaps even a terrible place (Barstow? what?) can be the best place to live as long as you have good community. Four years, look out Seattle, we are taking you by storm.

Here's the course.

kicked my butt

I just went down hard, 1-6. My brother in law took me to school this morning at 6:30. It was racquetball lessons for about 2 hours. I kept thinking that if I could get him to keep playing I might tire him out. I was wrong. How humbling, I flew 6 hours across the country and I get walloped. Even my special shoes didn't help me. I've been wanting some new Sambas and kinda eyeing the millennium edition and found some at a thrift store for 12 bucks! My size even. Kinda excited about that.

That's all, I'll post again when I've found my dignity.

a few nights ago at the airport

****at the airport with no internet service****

It's 3:34am. My ears hurt from having the earphones on too long. In about a half an hour the little kiosks will hopefully open up and we can check in for our flight to Peoria. I miss staying up all night, not in the, “Gee, I wish I could do this more often” way, but after doing it I think “Oh yeah, this is what it feels like” and I look back at those painful college memories in the architecture lab with fondness, or maybe I'm just tired.

Instead of trying to sneak in a few hours of sleep and then getting dropped off at the airport at an ungodly hour, we opted for the drop-us-off-now package which includes relentless artificial lighting and the occasional tile Zamboni. I seem to have survived. Tina's out cold with the old sweatshirt on the suitcase move, curse these bench-like-torture machines and their immovable arm rests. Whoever invented these should be forced to sleep on them. Hasn't anyone in airport design been to a movie? Lift-able armrests for the love of the crick in my neck.

And in come the airport staff, what a chipper bunch. I can't feel my legs.

I'm eagerly looking forward to the other side of this flight. It's the Loveridge's in Illinois part 2, our own little summer of sequels, our first trip out was during last Christmas. We'll see if I can't improve my score on the disc golf course.

More to post later, let's go see if those kiosks are up and running yet...

last night I dreamt of...taste?

Actually, I didn't. And that was an epiphany this morning. While driving to drop of Tina at a friend's house we both shared the dreams that we had last night. Mine was filled with people from church in Loyalton playing all sorts of music up front and pretty much just jamming with one another. Tina couldn't quite remember hers but it included trying to get her bike back from a shop and getting a tri-tip sandwich. I asked her how it tasted and she said she didn't know because she didn't eat it. Then my mind was practically struck by lightning as this thought entered my consciousness, I've never tasted in any dream. I'm pretty sure that's the only sense that I've never experienced in a dream. This has to be some sort of breakthrough discovery to which the authorities of Dream Forensics (too much CSI) must be alerted. Has anyone ever tasted in their dream?? Fascinating, eh?

a little nerdy

I came across this interview this morning and watched about 20 minutes of it. Really it's for nerds only. Steve Jobs and Bill Gates sitting next to each other and talking about Microsoft and Apple, competition and relationship. There are a few gentle jabs and some friendly fire, but both guys are stinking smart and very professional. They seem to like each other and joke back and forth. It reminds me that all the fanfare at the Apple Expo's is just that, fanfare, it's for the people. When Jobs goes all charismatic it's to make the sale. It seems these guys are just two geniuses who love what they do. Here's one of the videos. These guys are easily the two biggest faces of technology in America and I'm blown away by the amount of innovation they possess. One last comment: I think Gates has about 1000 times as much class as Donald Trump, considering he's probably that much more wealthy.

havalina railroad co

Tonight I was reminiscing with one of my friends about all the old Christian music that we used to listen to; I'm talking about way back in junior high. I thought I'd try to find some samples for him online and in the process came across this treasure: the Havalina Rail Co. The summer after my freshman year in college I lost about 72 CDs that made up my entire musical collection that I had built since about 7th grade. That collection started with, wait for it, seriously you can't possibly believe me but it's true, Shaggy - Boombastic. For real, and I'm totally prepared to stand behind that purchase, but I digress.

During that time in life, the time when I started to actually listen to music, I began to collect a random selection of little known Christian artists, some of which made it big, like Jars of Clay or Switchfoot, and some which didn't, like Chaos is the Poetry or the aforementioned Havalina Rail Co. I think Havalina Rail Co was the first CD I bought that opened me up to more non-traditional, well, non-mainstream music. There are some haunting songs in Russian Lullabies that make me think of the Decemberists. I think of that album as the beginning that has led to an appreciation for folk artists like 16 Horsepower and other (non-folk) artists like Bright Eyes and Dispatch.

Anyway, the point of this post was to get everybody, all four of you, to download the music of Havalina Rail Co. cause it's free and I like it.

A last comment: The first solo I learned on the guitar was the intro for Twilight Time.

another book

That's right, I finished another book. Shoot, maybe this is just the first I've finished of all that I've mentioned. Last night after not being able to sleep because of...well, issues, I decided to trek through the remaining pages of this book. It only took me about six months to read this.

I think this book has had the greatest effect on me of all that I have read in the past five years, probably because it's the most self-validating for me. The author's voice is my voice, one that is constantly analytical, and in the end, flawed. I love the idea that Quality is the cause/creator of everything and it must remain undefinable, because whenever it is defined, a part of it is lost and it ceases to be the first cause. I had a two hour discussion with my friend Amos on the way back from Vegas at about 2am all about the book and how it applies to spirituality and Christianity. I miss those types of conversations.

I realize that the reason I enjoyed the book so much was because it was just like one of those 2am conversations. It was like having a friend who thought and processed the same way as I do and whenever I wanted to discuss life I could just open the book. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling a little sad to be finished reading it. Now I'll have to wait for another couple of months or so in order to have one of those fulfilling conversations. One that I don't have to entirely initiate and carry the weight of in order for it to continue. I think one of the things that brings me the most sadness is not being able to communicate. I want somebody to initiate the long 2 hour conversation where all we talk about is ideas. This is my love language and although it may seem dull, it is what brings me greatest joy. It's how I feel like I've connected with someone, talking about things bigger than ourselves, marveling about great concepts, trying to bring them into practicality without loosing their greatness. It's my attempt at experiencing Quality. Without it I feel alone.

stories and questions

In my attempt to become more familiar with the emergent church and the ideas floating around it, I've picked up this book that I found at a local Christian bookstore. It was market down to 5 buck on sale. So far I've read the introduction and the first chapter. Immediately it's easy to see that the people writing in this book are tired of the typical American institution of "church" and are looking for it somewhere else. I've discovered in other books and a few podcasts the recurring themes of story and question. People who would associate themselves with emergent seem to value the telling of stories, their own and others. Also, there is a need to be able to ask questions, even about, or maybe specifically about, understanding doctrine.

I'm already starting to identify with the people in this book because they want to be able to find a place where it is safe to asks questions. A place where it is safe to ask questions about homosexuality, about faith, about knowledge, without being labeled a liberal or backsliding in your faith. I want to ask questions without the pretense that we already have perfect understanding of the answers. I think in some cases I've been allowed to be inquisitive, just as long as I admit that I won't change my mind about what everybody must agree is the truth.

What I begin to see, rather quickly, is that there is a strong force, even in myself, to stay away from questions about core beliefs. I think this force is fear. It's fear that I might change my mind, fear that I may disagree with a whole institution and fear of the consequences of that. Fear that I'll be outcast and considered lost. Maybe these fears are good in some sense. I mean, if I truly believe something there is no reason why I should question it all the time just for the sake of questioning, is there?

Maybe what I'm feeling is that I'm afraid that I am unaware of how deeply I believe something until it gets questioned and I am not allowed to wrestle with that questioning and still be considered a good Christian. Or maybe I'm afraid that if I am questioning I can't prove to myself that I'm a good Christian because the whole standard for our institutional church is something that I've really bought into to the point that my own security depends on it.

So what is my story? What is my actual testimony? I'm afraid that if I was to have a small group discussion on this topic instead of my acquired knowledge of Christianity and faith, that perhaps it would be a short one. Not because God hasn't done anything in my life, but because I've grown up in a system that says my understanding and position on certain truths and my ability to communicate them intellectually, is more important than how I've experienced and been shaped by those truths.

What's next? I want to find a group of people that can discuss all of these things without fearing a prayer intervention to protect my wavering salvation status. I also want to be more bold about initiating this with people because I know that my own fear of being insecure in myself is greater than being deemed an outsider by others. Perhaps that connects to my concern towards the emergent church, there seems to be a rejection of the modern church but the response is not to stay and interact with those still there. We have to distance ourselves before we can blame the group that we were apart of.